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:iconsaen-wyrwulf: More from Saen-WyrWulf


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Submitted on
December 24, 2010
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I dreamt last night of Dragons
In the dark before the Dawn.
They flew among the moon and stars,
They flew and danced as one.

One of them was silver,
The other one was grey.
Flying in the moonlight
Before the break of day.

The silver one was Father.
The steel-grey one was Son.
They flew and danced between the stars
They flew and danced as one.

They breathed out ice.
They breathed out fire.
They ruled the cold night sky.

I dreamt a dream of Dragons
Before the break of dawn.
They flew and danced together,
The Father with his Son.
I wrote this a few nights ago, but I decided to make it a gift. Merry Christmas, Father.
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:iconsnowblindotter:
SnowblindOtter Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The overall rhythm of the poem is very flowing, however the second stanza has a slight jar in the verbal sense with the double-syllable in the line "The steel-grey one was son". As an opinion, altering this to the following would allow the poem to flow slightly more easily within that stanza itself, without compromising the emotion behind the poem.
The Silver one was father,
The steel-grey the son.
They flew and danced between the stars,
They flew and danced as one.


Aside from the tiny speed-bump, the story is quite well done. As a suggestion the poem would be more powerful if written using more expanded vocabulary with some words, however vocabulary is often as an author's preference.
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:iconmoonlightwillow6:
The rhythm and rhyme of this poem was incredible! It flowed extremely well. I think the second to last stanza felt out of place a little bit, but that's just my opinion. Other than that, this poem was incredible! Great job and congrats on the DLD! :)
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:iconsaen-wyrwulf:
Saen-WyrWulf Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. Yeah, that stanza is actually missing a line but I forgot to add it in. It's kinda lost forever now 'cause I didn't write it down anywhere, haha.
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:iconradielle:
radielle Oct 6, 2011  Professional Writer
I like poetry, but I can't write it. So I refuse to really judge. But your work is nice. More, it felt very nice. That's the most important thing to me.

Keep up the good work!
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:icondailylitdeviations:
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconteh-pandacoon:
The rhythm of this one is what caught my attention most. The way that it flows helps to reflect the bond that it suggests. From what I felt, the dragons resembled the strength of the bond, but the delicate dance also shows how it can be so fragile as well. It was very strengthening to read. Keep it up! I'd love to see more.
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